I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
