The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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