You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
