ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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