Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
