he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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