I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
