if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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