We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
