So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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