1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
