just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
sick fucks of a feather flock together
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
