and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he fucked my hip out of place.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize