I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
