I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
