my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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