I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
