Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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