on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it glows. i had to have it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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