My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Drunk is a universal language darling
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