after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
