Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hippo gnu deer
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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