Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
