i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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