I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
