If i come over, it means nothing
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
