I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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