Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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