i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
