That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
