That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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