Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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