I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
