I need to stop coming to work sober
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
