i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
