When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
