how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can text with my tongue
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
