I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
