Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
