I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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