You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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