Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
