Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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