She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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