i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
