I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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