He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
