can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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