Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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