the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize