Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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