If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
