Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
