No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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