I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
