I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think my tv is drunk
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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