I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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