You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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