They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize