Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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