all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
