She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
