I hate your face
She is in my trunk
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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