As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
