What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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