8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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