Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
