Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Send help, water and tortillas.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
