Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
